Monday, July 4, 2011

Missing Motivation

Seems I've disappeared lately.  Not just from blogging, but from life.  

Dad and I have gotten pretty well settled into his new place.  There was so much to do at first.  Heck we didn't even have dish towels or pots and pans and it seemed as if every day there was something we needed to complete the house. 

There have also been doctor appointments, the Heart Specialist, the Endocrinologist, his eye doctor and a few others as well as a couple of my own appointments.  Since all of his doc's are here in Indiana, it means a hectic few months of visits to get them all in before it is time to go back to Arizona.  

But then.....about two weeks ago, everything came to a screeching halt.  No appointments, nothing that was needed for the house and most of all, the newness of us coming home has worn off and we've had no visitors.  The first thing I noticed with myself was a slightly trapped feeling and a dash of boredom.   I'd been concerned from the get-go about not spending the summer at MY house in the country and though at first, all was well...not so lately. 

I miss it.  I miss the beauty of the countryside, the crops growing, the barn kitties, my flowers, the yard that forever needs mowed along with a never-ending serious game of pick-up sticks.  

In this new place, there is not much to do.  The house is fairly new and sits on a teeny-tiny patch of land.  And there are neighbors always out and about.  I miss privacy.  There really is no where to 'hide' from anyone here.  In Arizona, although also in a neighborhood, I can always 'hide' on the back porch and not be seen by anyone.  So, consequently, the trapped feeling, I think.  Well that and always being glued to dad 24/7!  Not to mention feeling lonely and blue as Mr. Fix-it has been spending as much time as possible at our home in the country trying to keep up on it. 

This past week has been the worst.  I find myself sleeping during the day and eating and gaining weight with a touch of self-pity thrown in for good measure. 

I'm not hooking, not sewing dog collars, just not doing anything and absolutely can't seem to motivate myself back on the right track. 

Does anyone out there have some extra motivation they could lend me for a bit????   At least until mine decides to come back!


  1. Being the main care giver is a very difficult job. You are now defined by what your father needs and your needs are put on the back burner.

    We, the sisters, were in the same boat. Dad needed constant surpervision as his Alztheimer's progressed.

    First and foremost, you must not lose yourself.

    Arrange a day out, if you can have someone stay with your father, and go to your house in the country and enjoy. Do nothing but what you want to do and soak up the relaxation.

    Constant caregiving is a difficult job, even if there are really no major promblems. Knowing you are there and must be, wears on the spirit...not that you don't love your father and want to do this.

    We were three caring for Mom and Dad...Dad the longest, but Bev was the main caregiver. We tried to give her a chance to go home, get away, as often as possible. We also had the option of having a week of respite, now and then, by letting Dad stay at the local assisted living. He enjoyed the visits and Lord knows, Bev needed the break.

    This is a difficult job, for the spirit and the body, but, plese, do not lose yourself in the process of loving your father.

    Blessings to you.

  2. I wish I could help but my mojo has gone on a little vacation too. I found myself having a little pity party yesterday. I need to make a few changes in my life - I'm getting in a funk.

  3. Kim....too bad we don't live near each other, we could keep each other going!
    Gail...I know you are right but it is so hard. I would feel quilty spending dads money to give me a day out!!

  4. Dear Karen, I wish that there was something wise and wonderful that I could say to lift you up but alas, I'm coming up dry too.

    When I feel bored I love working on puzzles but it seldom happens because I don't have time anymore. Only around Christmas.

    Maybe you are not where you would like to be right now but you are such a kind heart that you sacrifice your life's longing, for your dad.

    Love can cause such pain sometimes but when his time comes to an end, you will be so grateful that you took care of him.

    Feeling like you feel is so normal and I hope that it's only a passing thing. I hope that you will feel your cheery self soon. I'll keep you in my prayers, Hugs. JB

  5. I think it is important to give yourself some time to do things that interest you and get you away from your dad a bit. I know there are places where they allow seniors to enjoy "day camp" for a few hours. It might be good for both of you, and it would give you both something to talk about when you are back together. I know it's not easy!

  6. Hi Karen,
    I was wondering how you are doing? Change is never an easy thing. I think we get so caught up in the actual process and all the busy things that go with it and all of a sudden we say Hey! Wait a minute! What happened to MY life?
    Those of us responsible for taking care of elderly parents know that feeling all too well!
    I'm glad you shouted out here on the blog! Just knowing other's care and are willing to listen and lend a thought or two can make a world of difference.
    Don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself. Think of it as refueling the engine to keep taking of care of things as you do! You can only run on empty for a couple of miles lol!
    Cathy G

  7. Hi Karen I'm sorry you're going through so much. I think it's easy to lose yourself when you're caring for a parent. Take some time for you...maybe a day at your house in the country...just to get away and "be". I truly hope you can find yourself and your mojo again! Don't feel guilty for taking time for yourself. I learned a long time ago that I can't take care of everyone else if I've lost me.
    Blessings to you
    MIssy :)

  8. Karen ~
    I have no words of wisdom, but I hope you can somehow find some time for yourself. Your job is so difficult and there will be a special place in heaven for you. You, unlike others, will never have any regrets.
    Big hugs :)

  9. Hi there. I'm just back on-line so I'm getting caught up with you all. The hoopla of moving is so all consuming that when the dust clears, you can feel totally whacked out. As much as I looked forward to the new house, I feel very isolated. Hubby went back to work and I have no wheels, so it's just me and Gus trying to get the mojo back. I can certainly relate. You also have the big job of caring for your dear dad as well. I agree with others to take a minute to plan something for you. I think you need to have a day or two at the farm to feel like yourself again. I hope that's doable. Our old routines fly out the window in a new space. Even the cupboards are all mixed up! I'm still going for silverware in the wrong place. I'll be thinking of you!


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